Building Beloved Community

On Monday, January 19, we celebrate the legacy of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. One of the core principles of Rev. King’s teaching is the idea of “Beloved Community,” a society of justice, peace and harmony which can be achieved through nonviolence. The King Center website describes it like this:

Dr. King’s Beloved Community is a global vision, in which all people can share in the wealth of the earth. In the Beloved Community, poverty, hunger and homelessness will not be tolerated because international standards of human decency will not allow it. Racism and all forms of discrimination, bigotry and prejudice will be replaced by an all-inclusive spirit of sisterhood and brotherhood. In the Beloved Community, international disputes will be resolved by peaceful conflict-resolution and reconciliation of adversaries, instead of military power. Love and trust will triumph over fear and hatred. Peace with justice will prevail over war and military conflict.

As I write these words, protesters outraged about the murder of Renee Nicole Good by ICE agents, and their ongoing violent tactics, fill the streets of Minnesota. Political polarization makes passing legislation in the US almost impossible. The president of Venezuela is being held in detention in the US following what some refer to as a kidnapping. The president of the US is jeopardizing long-standing US alliances by threatening to take over Greenland, potentially by force. Ongoing violent conflicts rage on in countries around the world, from Sudan to Myanmar. Beloved Community seems increasingly hard to imagine.

So much of the conversation these days is about who belongs. How do we imagine and create a world where everyone belongs? Where we can extend our care and concern and the wish for happiness and relief from suffering to all?

The kind of social, national and global change Rev. King was envisioning begins with the personal. We can’t create a peaceful, loving world or nation by skipping over the step of extending understanding and care to those we see as “other” in our own lives, those we disagree with politically, those with views we find abhorrent, or with biases and judgements we disagree with, or religious views that threaten our lifestyles and perhaps our very existence. In Buddhist compassion training, extending compassion relies on an understanding of common humanity: that everyone is the same in their wish to find happiness and avoid suffering, and everyone shares the same basic human feelings and needs.

Responding with care and compassion and kindness doesn’t mean we need to agree with others, be drawn to them or like them. But it means that we see that they are human beings, just like us, with feelings and needs, hopes and fears, just like us. It means extending the grace and generosity that tries to understand their situation, that is curious about their unique lives and experiences. Overcoming the tendency to see the “other” as unworthy of compassion.

And we might feel resistance, feel that humanizing someone who engages in acts of harm or damages the environment is somehow disloyal to our principles, to our own side. But it’s important to separate the person from their actions – we can strongly oppose the harmful actions of another and do everything in our power to stop it, while still extending care and compassion and kindness to that person.

However, this is an extremely challenging practice, and we need to train over an extended period of time before this becomes our default mode. But if we are committed to this vision of Beloved Community, and are willing to engage in the training, being patient with ourselves when we come up short and realize that it’s a process, the world can change and the Beloved Community can be actualized, one transformed heart at a time.

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Meditation: (with thanks to Margaret Cullin)

• Close eyes or lower gaze – then breathe deeply before beginning the contemplation.

• Bring to mind someone outside your circle of compassion, who maybe doesn’t seem like they deserve compassion.

• Not the most challenging person (exploring the edges of where your heart might be willing to go in this particular moment), not a political figure that gives you strong reactions but maybe someone you feel might not be deserving of your compassion — maybe they annoy you (e.g., inconsiderate, arrogant), maybe have disagreements, maybe arrogant, maybe they have biases against certain groups — maybe a 4 or 5 on a scale of 10 where 10 is the most challenging;

• Reflect on what you find annoying, irritating, or hurtful – as if you were sharing this with an understanding friend. Notice how you feel when you think of them (angry, judgmental, annoyed, etc.) — just a couple of words.

• Reflect on if you’re aware of an unmet need of yours that comes to your attention when you consider how you feel about this person’s behavior. It may be a need for connection or belonging, for safety, for respect or being seen. Just pause and see what comes up.

• Now, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and reflect on their situation.

  • Reflect: Is that person suffering? Do you think that person is suffering? And is there any part of you that might want to add to that suffering (the only right answer is what’s true for you right now)?

  • Now, try to imagine what feelings and needs the other person is expressing in the action or words that were the stimulus for your anger or annoyance, or lack of understanding. Might their behavior be an expression of an unmet need?

  • Focus your attention on your needs, and the needs of the other person. Notice how you are feeling at this moment. Are you still angry?

• What would it mean to you to offer compassion to this person? If someone were to ask you to have compassion for this person, what would extending compassion look like? And is there any part of you that might not want to do that? 

• When we are in conflict with someone, we often focus on the differences, but now take a moment to think of all of the things that you most likely share in common with this person. Perhaps you both work for the same company or go to the same school. Maybe you both have children, or a significant other. Probably you have both had your heart broken at one point or another, or have lost a loved one. At the broadest level, you both belong to the human species, which means that you share 99.9 percent of your DNA

• When you focus on these commonalities, how do they make you see this person in a new light? Instead of simply seeing this person as someone unfamiliar to you, or as a member of an out-group, now try to see this person as an individual, one whose tastes and experiences might overlap with yours in certain ways. See how this feels.

• Return to the breath for a few moments, and then slowly open your eyes.